an infant at the time and coud not comprehend the language, despite my best efforts. The choice was then passed on to my parents. However, the universe was not particularily objective. It urged my parents to give me up because I would be "happy". Happy! Instead I got stuck having obese chunks-for-chunks friends! I hate them all! Uh,...I mean...I like them. Yeeeeeessss, I "like" them. Anyway, my real parents did give me up, reluctantly, to be watched over by my current parents for a time. I eventually met Gamer, and we quickly became arch-enemies for a year or so. Then we were neutral for a time. Then, for whatever reason, I actually made friends with the frea- I mean guy. I believe that by this time I knew and was (shudder) a friend with DM, and Bort was in there somewhere. I then switched to a different learning plan, and Trekie, Bookworm, and X-Man were inflicted upon me all at once. It is an experience I never want to have again. The years passed slowly, but sometimes people would invent something good, and we would all have fun for a while. In the first year of togetherness, well, actually, not much happened, but it was the birth of the insults. Ahh, nostalgia. I mean the good old days. Many were the days when Bookworm was abandonned, and he therefore had many a days to plot his revenge. He took it by starting us insulting each other, with him as the leader. If you followed us around, you would hear such insults as "jo momma" and "your face" shouted out of nowhere, and they would usually have been directed in your general direction you, idiot. These continued after the summer, and grew in variety and meaning.

             Then came the keys. It started when I found out that an unlocked house was not as safe during the day as a locked one. I then salvaged a little thingamabob that holds a maximum of a half dollar for two phone calls, and two keys. I soon discovered that the rings that hold the whole thing together fit quite nicely over my index finger, and that is where they went. I also soon discovered that I could twirl them, a skill* that produces quite the annoying noise if made rapidly and in quick succession over a long period of time. This effect is amplified during periods where my peers are working quietly. Then came that historic day when the Star Wars DVD's came out in stores. I of course bought them as soon as I could, and with them came multiple freebies. One such freebie was a pewter version of Darth Vader's helmet in the form of a keychain. This was added, and voila, you have my keys as they are today. Gamer and Bookworm both plot for their destruction, Gamer wants to melt them down, and Bookworm wants to throw them out a window.

 

 

             It all started with two immensely obese persons, to one day be named Trekie and Gamer. One day they decided to steal the idea of making an organization of nerds from the person who would later be called SWNerd. So they spurned his idea, and mere seconds later, had what appeared to be their first intelligent thought. But alas, that had not happened. So they started to develop "their" idea, and realised it needed a name. So one decided on the name "NOA". The other, getting the telepathic message that the name was stupid from SWNerd, used his immense obesity to change the name to NAO. They were quick to give themselves names, and admit SWNerd (good old telepathy). The website was created (see Chapter 3), and the saga began.

             For the first few months, NAO trudged happily on, and other potentials were told things like "the test is not completed", and other such jargon. This continued for some time. However, what was actually happening was a debate over which lucky candidate should be the first to enter NAO's most sacred ranks. The choice was between Bookworm and DM, so there was no choice. Bookworm was definitely the next to enter NAO, but when? The need for the rest soon actually became apparent, and so one was made. It reveled in all it's goodness, Even though there were some rather interesting questions in the Lord of the Rings section, which DM can attest to. But still, the test was delayed. Bookworm was promised a verbal test, as we realised we were too lazy to actually print the test off at that time. However, even that was delayed to the point of postponement. We finally realised we were too lazy to do even that, and so Bookworm was accepted into NAO with no test.

             Then DM was chosen as the next likely candidate for our ranks. It was quite apparent to all our members that he would have to take the test to get in. He wrote the test with only several complete embarrassments, and surprisingly, unfortuanately, he passed. By 4%. The point was argued for a long time; was a 54% a pass? Well, technically, yes. His main, almost only supporter was Trekie, and Trekie does have a way of siding with the underdog. Eventually, after telepathy having failed, all members conceded that he was in NAO. Then came the argument, and later duel, about whether he should get the password for the site. At the time, NAO duels was a new idea, and the members wanted to test it out. So came duel 1, Trekie and Bookworm vs. Gamer and SWNerd. Bookworm was soon defeated, after doing next to nothing, and being cheaped by Gamer. Trekie was more difficult, but before anyone else could die, the password was given to DM. The duel continued just for fun, and because Trekie promised an awesome finishing move, SWNerd let himself get beaten.

             Bort came next, passing the test with flying colours, and is possibly the most popular member of NAO. The reason: he does absolutely nothing. To this date, he has done absolutely nothing on the website, even his bio was written by others.

             At his summer residence with horrible dial-up and seperated even more than usual from the world, it was some time before SWNerd learned of X-Man(Idiot)'s inclusion into NAO, as well as ol' wassis name. See "Chapter 4:The Dark Times of NAO" for more. 

 

 

 

           Once NAO was established, it was important to make ourselves known. The obvious answer: the World Wide Web. NAO envisioned a grand website with many ranks being filled, but what it got, was trip-ode. The first website was fairly good. Albeit, we had waaaay too many ranks, but we cut most of those out. Days passed ideas were pitched, ideas were turned down, but some were accepted, such as NAO Duels. The idea was awesome. Have a semi-never-ending talking D&D with all of our powers to decide things. Thus, the first duel started. It would soon become a bloody battlefield, reaching out into space, and back down to the planet. But before it could finish, our glorious website failed.

             It was in short, all Trekie's fault. He wrote some cheapfully cheap piece of crud in the first duel, and when he made to post it, the website ground to a proverbial and literal halt. NAO was in uproar, or rather, groan, about this, but for a period of time was just too lazy to do anything about it. Finally, Trekie replicated the site, and there was much rejoicing, or at least, less complaining.This spurred absolutely no more advancement than usual in the site, however, pages such as Reviews (assorted) and Rambles started to spring up eventually.

             Some things are not worth reading on the site, as they are either completely opinionated or irrelevant. That would include the History page, the Rambles page, and the Testing page, but they were origianally just space-taker-uppers, and not serious web pages. Also, they are never updated. Ever. But the rest of the pages are at least semi-good. Pages like Duels, Adventures, and Bios are generally worth the time to read, and if you want an opinion of books movies or games, be sure to check out the corresponding reviews. The colomn's are just sort of there.

             And so, the website, and NAO, continue to blunder on rather pointlessly. And just to wrap things in this section up, I will provide both a quote and our goal.

"What're we going to do tonight, Brain?"

"The same thing we do every night. Try to take over the world!"

 

 

             As NAO's ranks swelled, it was inevitable that the fountain of knowledge would dry up sometime. What we didn't realize, however, was that it was only a puddle. We did not realize this, unfortuanately, until we started taking in air.

            The particular proverbial air I am speaking of, is of course X-Member and Jar Master (The Tale Of NNM; Adventures). These two rather obtuse (by nerd standards) people were admitted into NAO when SWnerd was cursed with Dial-Up, the scourge of all nerds. Therefore, I couldn't come on all that often, and the rest of the time, I was just too lazy to really bother. But when I finally did come on to the site, I witnessed abominations unto NAO that had never been seen before. The spelling abilities of X-Member were bad enough to make Trekie's spelling look almost flawless. It was horrible. The only way he got in, I later was told, was by his one major supporter, Trekie+Gamer. I classify these two as one because at that time, Trekie just had to be in an argument and Gamer wouold go to his side.

             Retribution for X-Member was served though, in the unholy insulting machine known to most as Bookworm. He changed X-Member (at the time known as X-Man)'s name to X-Man(Idiot), and even included that name as a rank, and made it the worst possible rank, lower than Minus. I even took part in this shunning, threatening the deletion of X-Member's Bio if he did not remove it. The fact that neither Gamer nor I followed through with our threats has nothing much to do with this.

             X-Member also shunned our examples of describing our personalities in our bio's, and instead described his in-duel physical form. On top of that, we were barely able to comprehend it. He was utterly shunned, and it was easy to forsee that he would soon be out of NAO forever. His only supporter had turned against him.

             Jar Master, thank goodness, did absolutely nothing on the website. I have not witnessed much of his spelling, nor of his opinions on subjects, and frankly, I don't want to.

             I know one thing about them. THEY ARE NOT NERDS!

 

 

 

            Bookworm immediately seized this complete lack of anything good in NAO to simply, well, simply boot them out. Using tricks and deceipt (but mostly good reasoning), Bookworm easily gathered the support of Gamer and His Lord SWNerd (the fat slob known as Trekie was too fat and... slobbish to form an opinion). Bookworm then proceeded to wage (what he called, and, well, so did the others) a righteous campaign. Jarmaster didn't know what hit him because he was too thick to realise that he was a member in the first place. X-member, however, foolishly fought back. All his posts were quickly deleted, but he kept trying to put them back. Even so, he was steadily going downhill. Eventually, he stopped plaguing this holy site, and now all that remains of his membership is his late bio, which NAO kept for mockery reasons only. However, X-member did not take to his banishment so kindly. Instead, he launched a pathetic attempt at a rivasl site in the form of: NNM-NAO No More. It was instantly recognized that this site could not be allowed to continue operation. Again, Bookworm spearheaded (and did most of the work on) another attack, this one on the site of NNM. Using a collection of insults and taunts, Bookworm managed to slowly beat the unholy infidels back from their NAO-dominating goal. Soon, NNM, and all of it's members, were vanquished. However, the Holy Crusades were not yet at an end. Still filled with bloodlust, Bookworm turned his attention on the most controversial member left in NAO: DM. He faught long and hard in this epic battle, but this time it was he who was losing ground. For Trekie, the infamous fat blob, stood in Bookworms way, as the other members were indifferent. And, though he ried, in the end, Bookworm could not move Trekie's immoveable amount of fat. The Holy Crusades of the NAo organization were at an end.